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poetry
Time
"Time" - 12/18/19
 
Today I woke up 2 hours before my alarm went off
That never happens (it was 6 o'clock)
Sometimes the mind knows when 
The spirit requires extra time
To acclimate to overwhelm
 
As if it wasn't enough to be getting
Results that would hopefully constitute
A clean bill of health at 11am
I had an earlier appointment scheduled 
With an integrative MD across town at 9
 
She greets me with an outstretched hand
Asking permission for her resident to sit in
(He also extends his hand hoping for connection)
I find myself spontaneously white-lying
"Sorry, I'm not handshaking, I just got over something"
Embarrassingly, I've become one of those...
 
A few minutes later I'm jotting down reminders
Encouragement to keep journaling (I've never really
Embraced this and the closest I've come is poetry)
To keep sleeping well (someday I will heed this knell)
To continue to rely on "deep breathing" which she
Noticed I was already doing - but I did not.
 
The resident looks emotional as I convey my 
Ongoing efforts to eat clean, take supplements, 
Let worries roll off me more nowadays 
Eventually I get to music and they seem 
Intrigued by my confession that without it
 
I'd be somewhat lost and that with it I've no more
Need for last spring's temporary psychotherapist
I look at my watch it's time for me to hurry a few
Avenues away in the sleet and rain to the more
Focal appointment it was no coincidence I had these
 
Back to back someone behind the scenes
Put some experienced thought into that
The requisite vital signs are taken I'm told
Mine is low how the f-ck is that possible
But I guess it's to prove there are miracles
 
All around in spite of blood's tendency to 
Drown us in vulnerability the reality is simpler
Moment to moment time is a dancer 
Sitting still is against its nature but either way
The doctor eventually comes in with a smile
 
On her face that quickly puts my racing heart at ease
Everything is normal, she is pleased! Immediately
She shifts to smalltalk which amazes me I want 
To hug her and ask if it's appropriate she indulges me
Much more relaxed with me than 6 months ago
 
Seemingly the rain is now snow and I look
Out the window in the waiting room, waiting for 
The disc to take home. They apologize it will be
45 minutes and if time were parylized I would happily
Linger in it "no worries, I have time!" (And I do)